The
dark haired mortal looked up at the bleached blond vampire, glaring but
with every breath coming in a ragged gasp. The chipped vampire smirked
at the helpless lust in the boy's dark eyes.
"Can't help but want it, can
you, Harris?" Spike said, his weight pinning the bigger man to the bed.
"Screw you, Spike," the mortal
said, even as his hips canted upwards in invitation.
The game-faced vampire's smirk
widened. "Think that's gonna be the other way around, mate."
The other man's hands tightened
on him and that was all the encouragement the older man needed.
So we have Spander. It should be yummy,
hot Spander, but what stops it from
having that sizzle-till-you-squirm feeling? The epithets. What exactly
is an epithet and why is it The Evil That Must Be Slayed in fanfic, or
any writing for that matter? So good of you to ask.
The man/woman/vampire, the boy/girl/teenager/young man, the
older/younger man/woman/vampire, the taller/shorter man/woman/vampire,
the bigger/smaller man/woman/vampire, the [insert eye/hair/skin color
here] man/woman/vampire, the other man/woman/vampire, the Slayer, the
Watcher, the student, the
anything
other than a proper name. These are all known as epithets and should be
used either exceedingly sparingly (once per page at most) or not at all
in narration for characters whose names are already known to the
reader. Dialogue or the first person point of view is an entirely
different matter and a whole other subject; this applies to the
narration of the story itself as told through the third person point of
view.
An epithet is a word or words used to describe and/or characterize
something or someone. It's not noticeable when used in narration for a
thing -- the hardwood chair, the gray wall, the black tablecloth -- and
that's an acceptable use, but not when it comes to people. It's all too
noticeable when someone is known mostly by descriptions instead of
their proper name. To use a quote from (the oft quoted)
Big
List of Fanfic Peeves by Sandy and the Bitkahs, "Having the AD fuck
his agent wildly just doesn't work, unless Skinner has been added as a
new member of the Village People and "the Assistant Director" is all
he's going by, now."
The same thing applies to Buffy/Angel fan fiction; having "the British
vampire" holding and kissing "the Slayer's white knight" is doing both
characters a disservice. Spike is more than just British, more than
blond, he's a slayer of Slayers, a former poet, a demon, a killer, a
lover and so much more. Xander is more than just Buffy's friend, more
than just a sidekick, he's also a teenager, a young man, a construction
worker, a boyfriend, a best friend, and too many other labels to just
pin one on him. You can't pick any one label to describe any character,
it simply doesn't work. (And as an aside, "the boy" should never be
used with Xander to begin with. The moment Xander becomes a sexual
being in someone's eyes, he ceases to be a boy and makes the transition
to "young man" at
least,
otherwise you're heading into pedophilia-land. Not a happy place.)
There really is no reason to use epithets to begin with. Readers of any
Buffy/Angel fan fiction are generally already aware of specific
character traits, that Spike has a chip in his head, that he bleaches
his hair, that Buffy is the Slayer and blond, that Angel has a soul and
broods, etc. There's no need to restate any of that using epithets;
it's a bit like preaching to the choir.
There is absolutely
nothing
wrong with using proper names or an appropriately placed pronoun
instead of endless epithets. In fact, it's what
should be done. Don't worry about
using someone's name too much; the eyes of the reader will move right
over the name without seeing a single thing wrong, whereas epithets are
a big stumbling block. Too many and you start losing track of who's who
in the scene, even just a few and the reader still notices, still has
to think about who's being referred to. A simple name takes care of any
and all confusion.
Here's that starting paragraph again, this time without the annoyance
of the epithets:
Xander looked up at Spike,
glaring but with every breath coming in a ragged gasp. Spike smirked at
the helpless lust in Xander's dark eyes.
"Can't help but want it, can
you, Harris?" he said, his weight pinning Xander to the bed.
"Screw you, Spike," Xander
said, even as his hips canted upwards in invitation.
Spike's smirk widened. "Think
that's gonna be the other way around, mate."
Xander's hands tightened on him
and that was all the encouragement he needed.
So much easier to understand and so much more hot.
Revel in the hotness of the Spander, but toss those epithets aside
along the way; it's easier on the writer, not having to come up with a
different description in every sentence, and so much easier on the
reader, not needing to make up a cue card just to keep track of all the
different epithets for each character. Begone, foul epithet, and long
live Spike and Xander.