res watched silently. Standing invisible by the closed bedroom door, he could see everything.

He loved moments like these, when Iphicles was unaware of his presence, giving him the opportunity to study his lover. They both had so much responsibility, so little time to themselves. They had to take these moments whenever they could find them. And Ares wished he could find a few like this more often.

Iphicles was incredible. Hard muscles beneath bronzed skin, full mouth made for kissing -- among other things -- and that wonderfully long, soft hair...it all combined to make one beautiful demi-god. And he was more than just window dressing. He had a brain to match his body. Ares often had trouble believing how lucky he'd been to find this man, and to have his love returned.

Iphicles was busy bathing, the washcloth moving slowly over his broad shoulders, down his chest, then lower...Ares pulled his gaze back up. He wasn't quite ready for that. First he wanted to watch his face. So often there was worry or frustration reflected in those handsome features, but now there was only a sensual enjoyment as the steaming water relaxed him.

Tossing the washcloth to the floor, Iphicles lay back against the edge of the bath and closed his eyes, sighing heavily. He was still for a few moments before a smile crossed his lips, then his hand slid down his stomach below the water. A moan escaped him seconds later.

Realizing what his lover was doing, Ares walked around behind the bath, making himself visible and sinking to his knees. "You're almost perfect," he whispered just before licking the back of Iphicles' ear.

At first Iphicles stiffened in surprise, the motion of his hand stilling, then he relaxed again. "Almost?" he asked, eyes remaining closed.

"As close as you can get without being a full god," Ares replied. "Don't stop. I want to watch." He nibbled on the edge of Iphicles' ear, drawing another moan from him.

His lover complied, his face showing everything he felt. For a man who worked to keep his emotions hidden it was a tribute to Ares, showing how much Iphicles trusted him. Soon he was breathing harder, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

"That's it," Ares whispered in encouragement. "Keep going." He moved his down, his mouth fastening on Iphicles' neck.

Iphicles groaned, his hand working faster, hips pushing up. Then Ares' teeth bit lightly into his skin and he came, gasping out his god's name.

Ares slid an arm behind his lover's neck, brushing the sweat-slicked locks away from Iphicles' forehead with his free hand. "So beautiful," he continued to whisper, "and all mine."

Iphicles grinned slightly. "I was thinking about you, when I started," he said between deep breaths. "Imagining that it was your hand instead of mine."

"Is that right?" Ares leaned in to brush his lips over Iphicles'. "And how often do you do that?"

"Too often," Iphicles opened his eyes, his hand sliding up to the back of Ares' neck. "I wish we could be together more."

"I know, but let's just make the most of what we've got." Ares kissed him, cutting off any response, trying to forget that they'd have to part soon. When Ares finally released him, Iphicles' lips were swollen from their kissing, his dark eyes half-closed, making him look even more seductive and desirable than he already was -- if that were possible.

Ares sat back on his heels and began to undress. Normally he wouldn't bother with this when he could just remove his clothes with a thought, but he knew Iphicles liked to watch him do it this way and he wanted to please his lover, so he took his time.

Dispensing with his gauntlets, he let his vest slide down his arms, baring his upper body. Placing one hand on his chest, he slowly moved it down to the lacings of his pants. There, instead of undoing the laces right away, he began caressing himself through the tight leather.

The small moan that escaped Iphicles' lips made Ares smile.

Finally he had them unlaced. But instead of removing them, he shifted to a sitting position and pulled off his boots, taking his time. By the time he got back to his pants, Iphicles was breathing hard, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire.

Standing, Ares kept his gaze fixed on his lover as he very slowly began working the leather down over his hips. When his long, hard cock sprung free, Iphicles moaned again, and this time there was a slightly desperate edge to the sound. Ares continued to peel the leather off, enjoying the look of love mixed with lust and awe in Iphicles' dark eyes.

He'd barely finished kicking the pants aside before Iphicles was on his knees in the bath, water dripping down his gorgeous body, his hands and lips caressing Ares' heavily-muscled thighs, moving higher. Ares breathed in sharply at the first touch of those talented fingers on his balls, groaning when they were followed by a warm, moist tongue. Then Iphicles' hand was on his cock, slowly stroking as he took Ares' balls into his mouth.

Ares tangled his fingers in Iphicles' red-gold locks, urging that mouth upward. His lover didn't comply straight away, spending a few more moments exploring with his tongue. But then he was moving, kissing and licking his way up the impressive length of Ares' thick cock.

"You're a tease, Iphicles," Ares accused fondly, then gasped as the head of his cock was taken into a warm mouth. Iphicles' hand was working the length of his shaft while that tongue explored the head, circling, probing into the thin slit. Ares' fingers tightened in his lover's hair as he pushed his hips forward, unable to help himself. Iphicles swallowed more of his cock as Ares continued to thrust into his wet mouth, groaning continuously now. He felt Iphicles' hand slide up the back of his thigh, then the fingers pushing at the tight entrance to his body, and he allowed it, shifting his legs a bit farther apart.

"Yesss...," he hissed as the fingers slid into him. This was the only person, mortal or otherwise, he would permit to do this.

He moaned loudly as the fingers inside him searched and found the right spot, pressing, making him buck harder into the sucking mouth. Iphicles was taking him all the way in now, occasionally letting his teeth scrape lightly against the head of the god's cock as Ares thrust in and out of his mouth.

It was Elysia and Tartarus all mixed together and it was more than Ares could take. Shoving hard one last time down Iphicles' throat, he came. Suddenly Iphicles pulled back, seemingly heedless of Ares' hand still grasping his hair. He sucked hard at the head of Ares' cock, swallowing as much of the spurting semen as he could.

When he was able to think straight again, Ares realized that he was still hard and his lover was absolutely delicious with that "fuck me please" look in his eyes. Releasing Iphicles' hair, smoothing out the long red-gold strands, Ares sank to his knees. "You're wonderful," he said just before kissing him, tasting himself on his lover's tongue. When he drew back he began licking away the trickles of semen that had escaped Iphicles' mouth. "I want you," he whispered in between licks.

"Please...!" Iphicles moaned.

Ares wanted him too much to tease. Climbing into the bath, he used his power to heat the cooling water around them. Dropping to his knees again he pulled Iphicles into a deep kiss, enjoying the feel of his lover pressed against him, Iphicles' hard cock rubbing against his own. Ares cupped the lover's ass and rocked their hips together. Iphicles moaned into his mouth, his arms moving around Ares' neck.

Then Iphicles pulled away. "Ares, please," he gasped out. "I need you inside me!"

Ares didn't say a word, just turned Iphicles, placing his lover's hands on the back edge of the bath. Rising to his knees, Iphicles gripped the edge tightly, waiting, his body trembling with the force of his desire. Sensing his need, Ares cheated, using his power to provide oil in the right places. Kissing the back of Iphicles' shoulder he placed his cock against the now-slick opening to his lover's body, and slowly pushed his way in.

"Oh, yes!" Iphicles groaned.

By the time he was finally buried deep inside his lover, Ares was gasping, fighting for control. He wanted to take Iphicles fast and hard but Iphicles didn't need that right now. Withdrawing slowly until only the head of his cock remained inside, Ares pushed back in at the same speed. He was rewarded by a long, low moan from his lover. He kept up the slow pace, growling softly as Iphicles began rocking back against him.

It was so good, so tight and hot -- he didn't know how much longer he could continue this slow and gentle technique. Reaching around, he took hold of his lover's cock and began stroking in time with his thrusts.

Iphicles gasped and tightened around him. "Faster," he whispered.

Ares gladly complied, the rhythm of his hand speeding up as well.

Iphicles was panting, rocking against Ares more quickly. Ares gripped his cock harder, thrusting deep into that wonderfully tight ass. Iphicles' moans grew louder.

"Gods!" he cried out suddenly. "My god...Ares!" He clamped down on Ares' cock, his body shuddering as the intense orgasm gripped him.

Ares let go of his control. A few hard, fast thrusts and he groaned out his lover's name, coming so hard he, a god, nearly blacked out.

He rested against Iphicles' back as they both tried to calm down. "No one's ever done this to me," he mumbled against the man's sweat-slicked skin. "I love you."

Iphicles had always been the one to say that. It was rare for Ares to admit his feelings so freely. But he didn't receive the expected response.

"Ares?" Iphicles asked hesitantly. "I--I want to ask you something, but, well, I'm not sure how you'll take it."

Ares sat up, kissing the back of his lover's neck as he gently withdrew. "Anything you want, Iphicles," he promised.

Iphicles turned to look at him, his expression slightly troubled. "Don't commit yourself until you've heard me out," he advised, then continued. "You know I love you?" he asked, reaching out to caress Ares' cheek.

"I know," Ares smiled seductively, capturing the hand and kissing the palm.

"And I wouldn't ask this except that I love you so much and I want to share everything with you." He leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I want to fuck you," he said against Ares' lips.

The request wasn't entirely a surprise, although if anyone else'd asked, he would've killed them, or caused serious damage. But this was Iphicles, his beloved. He had the right to ask. As for the answer...Ares wasn't sure.

Iphicles drew back, giving Ares room, knowing his lover well enough to see that he needed to think. So he waited patiently for the reply.

The God of War had never allowed anyone to fuck him, not even another god, and he had his reasons. He just wasn't sure that they were valid in this situation. He loved Iphicles, trusted him, needed him, and all of those feelings were returned. But even with that, this wasn't something he was completely comfortable with. He wondered if he ever would be.

Ares decided.

Meeting his lover's gaze, he brushed a lock of Iphicles' damp hair out of his face, sighing as he let his fingers trail down Iphicles' cheek. It wasn't fair to make him wait. He'd have his answer. He started to speak -- then stopped abruptly as something registered in his mind.

He didn't know how long it had been there but he realized that he'd first noticed it before he and Iphicles had made love. It wasn't a threat so he hadn't been distracted from his desires. However, now he was coherent enough to recognize that something was out of place here. His boots were on the floor, so why then was he seeing out of the corner of his eye, a pair of black leather boots propped up on the side of the bath?

Dropping his hand from Iphicles' face, Ares turned to find out if he'd been imagining things. He wasn't.

The God of Mischief sat in a chair close to the bath, his feet propped up on the edge of it, ankles crossed. He had a bowl of what appeared to be mixed nuts in his lap and a mug of beer in his hand, a look of mild interest on his face as he munched on the nuts. He stopped chewing for a moment when Ares looked at him.

"Oh, come on, Unc; you're not gonna answer him?" he complained.

Ares glared. "What are you doing here?" he demanded quietly.

"Well," Joxer said thoughtfully, swallowing. "I'm gonna be too busy tonight to catch the twilight show so I thought I'd drop in for the matinee performance."

"Oh really?" Ares said, keeping his temper in check, for the moment.

"Yeah, and I gotta tell you, Unc, you two rock. I don't usually see that kinda passion, you know? You guys really get into it. And you don't got a problem with using those endearments. Most dudes would so that's a definite plus. And the action was really convincing. I'm totally believing you two love each other. So, overall, I gotta give it a 'thumbs up'." Joxer grinned at them before taking a long drink, then he held out the bowl to Ares. "Nuts?"

"I don't doubt it," Ares drawled.

Joxer shrugged and began eating again.

Ares was alternating between curiosity and anger. There had to be a purpose to this visit and Zeus knew it wasn't safe to ignore Joxer when the worm pulled a stunt like this, but he wondered whether or not hurting the little weasel would make things too difficult.

"What d'you want?" Ares prompted, curiosity winning out for the time being.

"Well, Uncle Ares, I'm glad you asked that." Joxer tossed back the last of the beer and both the mug and the bowl disappeared. "'Course you need to be a bit more specific," he said as he got to his feet, cracking his neck. "Like, are you asking what I want in life, or what I want right now?"

A fluffy towel appeared in his hands and he tossed it to Ares who caught it wordlessly and stood, beginning to dry off as he stepped out of the bath. It was better to hear the snake out rather than interrupt him. There was probably a point to his rambling.

"See, what I want in general is real simple," Joxer said conversationally. "Nice temples, tons of faithful worshippers, a bitchin' rep." He looked Ares over, leering. "Maybe the occasional instance of you, covered in chocolate with a cherry on top."

Ares growled in warning.

"Okay," Joxer shrugged, "make it a strawberry. Anyway, that's really all I want outta life. Simple, huh? But if you're talking about what I want now, well, that's different."

Ares tossed the towel to Iphicles and grabbed his pants off of the floor. As far as he knew, Iphicles had never met the God of Mischief before and he would've preferred to keep it that way. Oh, he had no doubt that Joxer had known about them for months, but that didn't mean he wanted the devious bastard meeting his lover.

Joxer had a bad habit of trying to seduce other gods' lovers and although he didn't have a chance in Tartarus of succeeding here, Ares still didn't want him anywhere near Iphicles.

"Make it good," he said through his teeth as he pulled on his tight leather pants. He could've used his power to dress himself instantly, but by doing it this way he was forcing the other god to wait for him, reminding Joxer that regardless of all his scheming and manipulating he was still subject to the God of War's will.

"I need to talk to you, Uncle Ares," Joxer said.

That got Ares' attention. It was extremely rare to hear anything but twisted humor and malicious playfulness in Joxer's tone, so when he sounded serious it was nothing to take lightly.

"I'm listening," Ares said, collecting the rest of his clothes off the floor.

"It's complicated," Joxer replied. "We'll have to go to the Halls of War."

Interesting. Joxer's face betrayed nothing so there was no way to tell if this was good or bad. "All right, we'll talk," Ares agreed as he sat down to put on his boots.

"Cool. I'll meet you there," Joxer said just before disappearing.

"Was that just bad timing or does he always interrupt private moments that?" Iphicles asked as he stepped out of the bath, wrapping the towel about his waist.

"It's one of his specialties," Ares replied acidly as he stood, adjusting his gauntlets.

"Can you stop him from doing it again?" Iphicles moved close, sliding his arms around Ares' waist.

"You don't 'stop' the God of Mischief," Ares said with a touch of sarcasm. "You make firm suggestions and hope he takes the hint."

"Well, do 'suggest' then. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. You're the only one I want watching me like that." Iphicles kissed him gently before releasing him, starting to turn away.

Ares took hold of his arms, stopping him. "He won't touch you," he said quietly, his tone hard. "He may look but that's as close as he'll get!"

Iphicles smiled. "You really get possessive sometimes."

"Yeah, and you love it." Ares smirked slightly.

"You know me so well," Iphicles' voice dropped to a whisper as he pressed closer.

Ares moved to kiss him -- and stopped. "I want you too much, Iphicles. If we start this again I won't stop until I've fucked you every way I can think of."

Iphicles frowned. "What's the downside here?"

"Joxer," Ares replied, letting him go and stepping back. "He gets bored if you keep him waiting." He resisted the shudder that tried to work its way through him.

"And that's bad?"

"It is when he's anywhere near my temples! Last time in Thebes -- well, to make a long story short, the priestesses haven't been the same since, and I don't want it happening again!"

"Oh." Iphicles nodded in sympathetic understanding. "Then I guess you'd better go."

"Yeah," Ares agreed. Calming down, he looked at his lover for a few moments. "I'll try to come back tonight," he finally said.

"It's all right if you can't make it. I'll miss you but things happen." Iphicles smiled, an expression Ares returned.

"I'll do what I can," Ares promised.

"Ares?"

He'd been about to transport himself to the Halls of War, but stopped, looking at his lover questioningly.

"I'll be waiting for your answer to my request," Iphicles said seriously.

Ares nodded. "You'll have it." Then he was gone.

When he arrived in the Halls of War, Ares reluctantly forced his mind away from Iphicles. He'd need all of his concentration to deal with Joxer.

Things were just getting stranger all the time with Joxer. He'd been acting far more subdued than usual back in Iphicles' palace and Ares couldn't help but be suspicious of Joxer. There was something going on and he had a feeling it was going to mean trouble.

Since his attention was on trying to figure out what Joxer was up to, Ares didn't immediately notice the changes as he walked into the Halls of War. Not until he came face-to-face with one of the statues of himself did he realize something was wrong. The statue should've been black marble, they all should've been, but it was now made of rose quartz, as were the rest of them. Looking around he saw the other differences.

The walls were still black marble but the pillars were now white and all of the weapons lining the walls were draped in pink silk and roses. His throne had been transformed into a pale pink divan where the Goddess of Love now reclined, barely dressed in a see-through pink gown, looking thoughtfully at the marble ceiling.

"Hmm...a fresco, I think," she was saying to herself. "There's tons of room so I can get all the positions up, but can you see it from down here? Let's check it out." She pointed at the ceiling.

"Do it and when Corinth falls I'll have your entire following there wiped out!" Ares swore.

"Chill, bro! It's not like I can't undo it!" Aphrodite protested, but she dropped her hand.

"Then undo it all now!" he demanded.

"You're like, a major downer, you know that?"

She sounded offended but Ares wasn't in the mood to deal with his sister right now. He just crossed his arms, glaring meaningfully at her.

She huffed and pouted but when it got her nowhere she waved her hand and everything returned to the way it had been. Well, almost everything.

"'Dite," Ares said in warning.

"I thought you'd want your statues all anatomically correct and everything. I know mine are," she said with a giggle.

"Fine," Ares decided to give on that one small matter. "Just make it black marble, okay?" Getting the Goddess of Love angry was never a good idea so if this would keep her happy then he could live with it.

"Oh, okay," she sighed, correcting it. "You really need to loosen up, Ar."

Ares ignored that, walking up the dais and scowling down at her until she moved off his throne. However, when he seated himself she dropped herself on his lap, hooking one arm around his neck and resting her head on his chest.

"What's up, bro? You feel all tense."

Her free hand worked its way inside his vest and her small fingers began toying with a nipple.

"Knock it off, 'Dite!" he snarled, pushing her hand away.

Aphrodite pouted again. "Well, you're no fun anymore."

"I've got other things on my mind."

"More like other kings," she muttered, sounding like a child who couldn't get her way.

"Drop it, 'Dite," he ordered. "The only thing I'm interested in right now is dealing with my annoying nephew."

"Joxer?" she asked, sitting up.

"Yeah, why?"

"He wanted me to be here. Said it was like, really important or something."

Ares was starting to get a bad feeling about this. What could Joxer possibly want with the God of War and the Goddess of Love?

"Aww, isn't this sweet?"

The god in question was standing near the middle of the Hall, smirking at them.

"Get off, 'Dite," Ares said quietly.

"Maybe later." She smiled suggestively at him before hopping off his lap.

Ares sent her a thoroughly unamused glance before turning his attention back to Joxer.

"Where's Cupid?" Joxer asked, walking towards the dais.

"He's got some love business in Thebes," Aphrodite answered, standing next to the throne.

"Then you'll have to tell him about this when we're done." Suddenly Joxer stopped and stared at one of the statues, his eyebrows raising in appreciation. "Ooh, nice!" He ran a finger up the erect phallus that now adorned the marble replica of the God of War. "You gotta let Aunt 'Dite do your decorating more often, Unc! 'Course, she overdid it a little. Maybe got you confused with me, huh?" He winked at Aphrodite. She giggled in response.

That was something Ares could've done without knowing. "You've got us here," he said impatiently, "now what d'you want?"

"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently," Joxer responded. "I figure, out of all the gods and goddesses we got running around, you all -- Cupid included -- are the only guys I can trust."

Ares glanced at Aphrodite. She looked just as confused and suspicious as he felt.

"See," Joxer took a deep breath and let it out, "I need a favor."

Ares was beginning to wonder what alternate universe he'd woken up in this morning. Aphrodite was just staring at Joxer in open-mouthed disbelief.

"Okay, we're all surprised here. Let's get over it and move on," Joxer said in a bored tone.

"Wait," Ares said before Joxer could continue. "You're actually asking for a favor, not cashing in on the ones we owe you?"

Joxer nodded as though this were nothing out of the ordinary.

If anything that made Ares even more suspicious. Apparently his sister agreed with him.

"Like, what's the catch?" Aphrodite's' manner was suddenly far more serious than usual.

"It could be kinda difficult to do," Joxer admitted. "That's why I'm bringing in three of you, 'cause you got a better chance of pulling it off together."

"What exactly do you want from us?" Ares asked, unwilling to involve himself in one of Joxer's plots until he was absolutely certain of what was going on.

"Your help," Joxer replied, then he turned and motioned to someone standing back in the shadows near the entrance to the Hall. "Come on, they're not gonna hurt you."

The man -- a mortal, Ares sensed -- walked hesitantly forward. When the torchlight finally lit up his features, Ares didn't even bother to try and hide his shock.

Same face, same clothes, only this was a mortal? Yes. A mortal version of Joxer. And suddenly it all made sense.

"The vortex." He only barely realized he was thinking aloud. "He's from one of the other worlds." Like the rest of the gods he'd felt it when the vortex had opened a little over a week ago, but nothing had seemed to come of it. Now he knew differently.

"Totally weird," Aphrodite said, although she sounded intrigued. "It's like, deja vu, twice."

"This is Joxer." The God of Mischief placed an arm around his counterpart's shoulders. "Things are just a little different where he's from."

The mortal smiled at them. It matched Joxer's expression exactly.

"There's something funky going on in his world and he needs to hang here 'til I can get it straightened out for him," Joxer continued. "I don't think it's gonna take too long but I'm allowing for a week, just in case."

Ares thought he understood where this was going, but he still didn't believe it. "So, you want us to look after...Joxer, while you're in his world?"

"Basically, yeah." Joxer nodded. "There's some other stuff I want, but mainly I need him kept safe."

"How?" Aphrodite asked. "I mean, someone's gonna find out about him sooner or later and then the rest of the gods are so totally gonna wanna mess him up."

"I know, so you're not gonna hide him," Joxer replied with a sly grin. "Oh, you don't need to parade him around or anything, just let some people see him every now and then."

"You want us to pass him off as you?" Ares demanded.

"Exactly." Joxer's grin widened.

"Whoa! That'll be a major challenge!" Aphrodite sounded eager.

"It's not possible." Ares glared at her, not sharing her enthusiasm. Unlike her, he could see the obvious flaws in this plan. "You're too visible," he informed Joxer. "There's no way he could even begin to take your place. I knew he was mortal and the other gods will too."

"Duh, Unc!" Joxer rolled his eyes. "Did I say he was gonna take my place? No. Now, I cleared things with my head priests and priestesses. They know I'm gonna be too busy to be bothered for the next week and they'll get the word out to my followers, so he won't have to show up in my temples and play me or anything. And yeah, you knew he was mortal, but not 'till he got up close. So just keep the family away from him. Get 'Dite and Cupid to help. That takes care of most of the problem right there."

"What about the other gods? They'll get suspicious if you aren't sneaking around prying into their lives," Ares pointed out with a touch of sarcasm.

"Give them the same line I gave my followers: you're keeping me too busy with whatever -- just make something up there -- for me to do my usual thing, but it's only temporary so they shouldn't get too comfortable. Then just have Joxer here show up occasionally when you're around and it'll all be cool." Joxer shrugged.

"What about me and Cupie?" Aphrodite asked.

"Help Uncle Ares if you can. I'm hanging with you guys a lot more than I did before so it'll look good. 'Sides, you two can make sure Unc keeps his hands off my mortal." Joxer smirked at Ares.

Without responding, Ares stood and walked over to the mortal in question, approving when the man didn't flinch away from him. The likeness was amazing really. Two Joxers. That was one too many for him, but he had to admit that he was curious about this man and his world. It was an interesting opportunity, although he was still having trouble understanding that Joxer was willingly handing over this kind of weapon, something that could destroy him. Ares hadn't realized Joxer trusted him this much. He wasn't sure what to make of it completely but for the moment he'd just accept it at face value.

"All right," he nodded.

"Cool!" Joxer said brightly. "Now, I've been teaching him so he can act like me if he really has to, but he could still use some help. Unc can show you whatever you need to know," he said directly to the mortal. "Go ahead and fill him in on what's up with you and the Ares in your world," he instructed, using his free hand to gently brush his twin's hair back from his face.

"But, what--"

"Don't worry," Joxer interrupted. "Remember, he's basically your Ares. Now you guys get to know each other and I'll be over there spending some quality time with Aunt 'Dite, 'kay?"

His counterpart nodded, smiling when Joxer kissed him on the cheek before walking over to Aphrodite.

Ares looked at the mortal standing before him. "Well?" he prompted, crossing his arms over his chest. "What about my counterpart in your world?"

That was definitely the right question to ask. Without any further encouragement the mortal launched into a rather detailed explanation of his world and especially his Ares. It was definitely informative. Ares let him go on without cutting in. If he had questions he'd get to them later. Right now he just wanted to listen, mainly because it was giving him a good idea of what this Joxer was like.

It was obvious that the mortal was deeply in love with the Ares from his world -- which was just plain good taste on his part -- but the way he kept glancing over at the God of Mischief spoke of a strong attachment there as well. He was torn between the two. It was in his eyes.

Those eyes. Ares suddenly noticed the difference there. Where Joxer's eyes always glittered with wickedness, this mortal's eyes were soft and open. No one would ever believe this was the God of Mischief if they saw these eyes. This was definitely going to be trouble.

"You two done with the bonding thing?"

Joxer's sarcastic voice broke in on Ares' thoughts, bringing his attention back to the situation before him. "I heard what I wanted." He nodded.

"He's a way better listener than my Ares," the mortal said with a slight grin.

"I need to talk with Ares, and 'Dite wants to see you," Joxer informed his twin. "I told her about that outfit of yours -- that one I gotta wear when I go to your world -- and she wants to give you some fashion advice." He lowered his voice so it wouldn't carry back to Aphrodite. "Look, just as long as it doesn't include lace and pink stuff, take the advice. She's got good taste."

Ares snorted. "It'd be safer to let me dress him."

"I don't think so, Unc," Joxer replied. "You'd have him wrapped up in so much black leather he wouldn't be able to move. You know, silk does have a place in the scheme of things."

Ares rolled his eyes.

Joxer sent his counterpart over to Aphrodite with a light push, then he spoke to his Uncle. "It'd be really cool if you could do a couple things for me while I'm gone."

Recognizing this as the closest Joxer ever got to actually asking for something nicely, Ares nodded for him to continue.

"One of my favorite followers is gonna be showing up at my main temple sometime in the next couple days and she's not gonna be real happy that I'm not there to meet her. Now, since I'd like the temple to be there when I get back, you think you could go on over there and maybe keep her...entertained?" Joxer emphasized the last word with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows.

"I'm with Iphicles," Ares reminded him.

"Yeah? Well, you're still fucking me, aren't you?"

"That's different, you're family."

Joxer rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Unc! I'm talking Nebula here!" He almost purred the name.

That was a surprise. Ares didn't keep track of Joxer's followers. "How in Tartarus did you get her worshipping you?"

"She's a thief, isn't she? That's what pirates are. Just sucks that I gotta share her with Poseidon. Well, at least I got her whenever she's on land. Anyway, can't you just do this? It's not like your boy-toy doesn't know you're banging other people!"

That was true, but Iphicles wasn't exactly happy about it and Ares had been seriously considering breaking it off with some of his other lovers. It wasn't like he was actually in love with them, not like he was with Iphicles.

"I'll be there to meet her," he promised, "but I'm not fucking her."

"You're kidding me?" Joxer looked at him like he was insane.

"That's all you're getting from me."

"Okay," Joxer sighed, "but I'm blaming you if my temple gets wasted!"

"Whatever." Ares didn't want to think about what Joxer would do in that event, but he still wasn't sleeping with Nebula -- he couldn't believe he was doing this! Well, Iphicles was worth it.

"One other thing," Joxer said, changing the subject. "About my counterpart over there; teach him to use some weapons, huh? I don't want him killing, he'd blood innocent and all -- isn't that a trip -- but see what you can do with some basics while I'm gone. Also, teach him to dance a bit, 'kay?"

"Dance? If that's what you want then sign him up with Widow Twanky's dancing troupe!"

"I don't want him performing, he just needs some balance. Look, remember what I was like before Discord dumped me in Terpsichore's class?"

Ares suppressed a shudder as he recalled those early days when he'd had to rebuild his temples -- and sometimes the cities they were in -- whenever Joxer had been in one for more than five minutes.

"Yeah." Joxer nodded at his Uncle's reaction. "Well, that's what you got right there." He motioned to his counterpart.

Ares could see this was going to be on the humiliating side. He'd have to make sure no one was around to see, but it still had to be better than having the Halls of War crash down around him when he was least expecting it. "Fine," he muttered, "but you're really going to owe me for this."

"I know, Unc, and I'll give you whatever you want."

Right then Joxer's motivations suddenly became clear. "Fuck, you're in love with him!" Ares said in surprise.

"What'd you expect? You know I love myself," Joxer replied with a shrug.

Ares hadn't thought to see Joxer in love again, not after what had happened last time. But he supposed he could understand this. He certainly wouldn't mind meeting his own counterpart from this new world. They had so much in common, the encounter would definitely be interesting. Violent, but interesting.

"I wanna get to his world before sunset," Joxer was saying, "but I'm gonna need some help with that."

"The vortex?"

"Yeah."

Ares agreed with a nod.

"Then let's get on with it. Yo, Joxer!" Joxer got his counterpart's attention and waved him over. "I'm outta here, 'kay?" he said when the mortal stood before him.

"Okay," his twin said quietly. "Thanks for doing this. I really mean it."

"Yeah, well, don't get too sappy on me."

"You--um, you're gonna have to be careful about that," the mortal warned. "You don't sound like me when you speak."

"I know how you speak, and, um, I've been sort of studying you, you know, and, well, I'm sure I can pull it off. It'll be fine," Joxer replied easily, adding just the right amount of hesitation and eagerness, a near perfect mimic of his counterpart. The mortal's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Ares' eyebrows went up. That had to be one of the few times he could remember when he'd been able to understand Joxer without having to do a mental translation.

"Look, Unc's gonna take care of you and Cupid and 'Dite are gonna help," Joxer said, slipping back into his regular manner of speech. "Just stick with them and you're not gonna have any trouble. I'll be back as soon as I got things taken care of."

The mortal nodded, his trust in Joxer apparent in his smile.

Then Joxer pulled his counterpart into a long kiss. When they finally came up for air he had to support the mortal for a few moments. "Just something to remember me by 'till I get back," he said mischievously. "Ready?" He released his twin, turning his attention to Ares.

"Let's go," Ares answered, transporting himself to the deserted courtyard where the vortex could be accessed. Barely a second later Joxer appeared at his side, only Joxer was no longer dressed in his usual clothes.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" Ares looked him over with distaste.

"Hey, I gotta look the part," Joxer said defensively.

Ill-fitting armor, tattered clothes, and that ridiculous helmet...the God of Mischief looked like a jester. Ares was starting to believe that Joxer might have a good chance of pulling this off. That outfit was distracting enough. Maybe no one would bother to look beneath it. Well, there was only one way to find out.

Pointing at the right spot in the air, he aimed and released his power. At almost the same time, Joxer's power joined his, converging on the same spot. Around them the sky darkened and the wind picked up rapidly. They both cut off the streams of power at the same time, bracing themselves as the swirling blue vortex began to open.

"For your sake you'd better know where you're going!" Ares shouted over the roar of the wind and the vortex itself.

"Yeah, I got a fix on it!" Joxer yelled back.

The thing was fully open now. Joxer took a step back and was just about to run forward when Ares' hand on his arm stopped him. Ares hesitated for a moment before speaking. "It'll be a real mess replacing you, so try make it back here!" he ordered.

Joxer looked at him appraisingly for a moment, his expression more serious than normal, then he nodded.

With that he took a running leap and propelled himself into the huge vortex. He disappeared in a bright flash of light and moments later the thing began to collapse in on itself. Then it was gone and everything was returned to normal.

Only it wasn't.

Things no longer felt quite right in the world. A god was missing and it left a void that Ares knew only he, and perhaps a couple other gods, could feel. And there was the threat of that void becoming permanent. There was an alternative, he supposed. If the worse came to pass, then Joxer's counterpart could be trained to replace him as the God of Mischief. But it wouldn't be the same.

He was used to his nephew, to his Joxer. Ares knew how to deal with him and that's how he wanted things. If something happened to him, well, Ares knew he'd learn to live with it, but Zeus preserve him, he'd actually miss the little psycho!
 
 

t first Joxer was too disoriented to move. The vortex had closed behind him soon after he'd tumbled through, but for the moment he could only sit there on his knees, staring at the ground before him as he tried to pull himself together.

Getting through the vortex had been easy. A mortal might've gotten lost, maybe ending up in one of the infinite alternate worlds out there, but for a god the way was perfectly clear. So he knew he was in the right place. He just didn't understand why he felt so...strange. He wouldn't say ill since gods never got sick, but there was definitely something different, maybe even wrong.

As things gradually stopped spinning, he studied his surroundings. It looked just like his world. Same ruined temple, same courtyard, same trees. The only difference between this world and the one he'd just left, was that Ares was nowhere in sight.

Ares.

The thought of his uncle reminded him why he was here. He had to find the God of War of this world, and he had to do it before the other gods here realized just what had come through the vortex.

The other gods!

That brought him to his feet. He was unsteady for a few moments, a condition that worried him but one he'd explore later. Right now he was in too much danger.

Gods knew when the vortex opened. They felt it. Discord would feel it. The others would eventually come looking out of curiosity, but she'd be here any second, looking to see if this world's Joxer had somehow found a way back from wherever she'd sent him. He had to put some distance between himself and this place as quickly as possible.

Joxer staggered for the first few steps, but he didn't have time to wait for whatever was wrong to work itself out. It would've been much easier to transport himself somewhere but he didn't dare risk that on this world. Not yet anyway. He was trying to pass himself off as mortal and if he kept his powers suppressed and didn't allow another god too close, then he'd have a good chance of succeeding.

He was starting to find his footing, his coordination returning. Granted, he still didn't feel right, but he was doing a lot better than when he'd first arrived.

Joxer suspected that what he felt had a lot to do with this not being his home. He was comfortable in his world. He'd made his place there and no one questioned it, but here there was none of that. He'd only be known by his counterpart's reputation -- which, from what the mortal had admitted to, wasn't much. So he'd basically be an unknown.

And really, that was okay with him. All he had to do was get to the Halls of War, find Ares, and from there he'd know what he had to do.

It had to be the Halls of War. Anywhere else, like the minor temples, and he'd run into Discord or this world's God of Mischief -- whoever that was -- and then his plan would be ruined.

So he had to make his way to Thrace -- on foot. His counterpart didn't get along with horses too well, so he couldn't take the risk of riding, no matter how much time it might save.

Joxer couldn't recall the last time he'd actually "walked" much of anywhere. Around his temples, sure, but that was never more than a few cubits. He'd certainly never walked long distances like this. Well, it'd be a challenge at least -- something he had very little of on his world anymore. This could be fun.

The first day of travel disabused him of that notion rather quickly.

It wasn't so bad at first. After leaving the grounds of the ruined temple and finally regaining his usual balance, Joxer found the nearest road leading northward and had set off at a fast pace. The sun shone and the day was pleasantly warm. It'd seemed nice. For the first half hour or so.

There were certain things a god just did without thinking about them, like deflecting the elements and their effects. But he was suppressing his powers, so for the first time he was experiencing what it was like to be mortal -- or as close as he could get. He was having to deal with things he'd never thought about before, or if he had, he'd believed them beneath the consideration of a god.

After barely an hour of travel he'd begun sweating. It actually came as a surprise despite the fact that he was wearing an outfit of metal and thick cloth. Sure, he sweated, but only when he was fighting or fucking, and only then when he wanted to. It never happened just as a result of doing or wearing something. That wasn't how it worked, at least not when he was using his powers. But apparently this was how it would work in this world. He wasn't happy about that, but he was even less pleased by the dust.

As he walked, he couldn't help noticing that this part of this world hadn't seen rain in a while. It wasn't exactly an easy fact to miss, considering that every time he took a step it sent up little billows of dust. He really hated the way the stuff clung to his sweat-slicked skin and he spent a good amount of time trying to wipe it off with varying degrees of success. Then the first horse went by.

Once Joxer finished choking on the blinding cloud of dust left in the rider's wake -- and got over the fact that he was actually doing such a mortal thing as choking -- he had to stop by the side of the road to recover a bit and think. The back of his throat felt raw. Minutes later, he was still coughing up the crap. Wiping the back of his hand across his burning, teary eyes, he snarled in disgust.

This shouldn't be happening! He was a god, and gods didn't have to deal with this mortal stuff!

He paused, a sudden chill running through him as he realized just what that meant. Yeah, he was a god by nature, but for all intents and purposes, with his powers suppressed, he was mortal. He couldn't die of course, but that was about all he knew for certain. He wondered how far it was gonna go.

Obviously he reacted to the weather and the conditions surrounding him the same way a mortal did -- and that was a total bitch -- but would it stop there? There were other things mortals had to deal with. He knew that. So now he struggled to remember them all. Just in case.

There was hunger and exhaustion and illness and -- he stopped there. He'd been on this world for a few hours now and while he had his coordination back he still didn't feel right. He couldn't pin down the exact problem, but what if it was some sort of illness? Without his powers protecting him, what if he got sick? But he didn't know what that felt like so he couldn't say for sure, and it worried him.

Besides that, there were all those other things to be concerned about. He'd been counting on his limitless endurance to get him to Thrace in a day or so. He'd planned on traveling completely without rest because, as a god, he was capable of it. But what if all of that had depended on his powers? What if, without his powers, he grew tired, or even had to sleep, like a mortal? He didn't know how he'd deal with that.

"What the fuck did I get myself into?" he whispered in trepidation, his voice rough from the dust coating his throat. He needed something to drink to clear that up. In fact, he was...thirsty.

Okay. Hold up. Joxer gave himself a mental kick. What was his problem here? Gods didn't get thirsty or tired, or any of those other mortal weaknesses -- but on the off chance that it did happen to him due to his "unusual" circumstances, why panic? Even without his powers, he was still a god. Granted, if he actually got hungry he wasn't sure he knew where to get food out here in the middle of nowhere and if it went further than that -- okay, eww. Other than fucking he just didn't deal much with mortal bodily functions, but he supposed if he had no other choice...well, there were trees and bushes around and he guessed that's what mortals used when there wasn't a chamber pot handy. It was disgusting to even contemplate but he reminded himself that he was a god above all and he could deal. He'd do it becuase it would help his mortal twin.

Satisfied with his grasp on the situation, Joxer continued on, paying no attention to anything except the need to keep moving. He had learned though, and the next time he heard a horse approaching, he kept walking but he held his breath and shielded his eyes with a hand, keeping out most of the dust. He had to breathe -- that went with the mortal form -- but he could hold his breath a while and that worked okay.

Finally the heat began to slowly fade, although not nearly fast enough for him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was thoroughly uncomfortable and would've gladly killed for a bath and a clean set of clothes -- preferably something fashionable, in black leather -- but neither was available, so he had to keep moving.

"My friend! You look tired!"

Falafel.

Joxer stopped, groaning aloud. Of all the things he didn't need right now. The man was a plague back in his world -- or at least the suspected start of a couple of them -- and Joxer couldn't see where it would be any different in this world. Still, he was pretending to be his counterpart and he seriously doubted the Joxer of this world would greet someone by strangling them. So he plastered a fake smile on his face before turning to greet the man at the side of the road.

"Falafel." He nodded to the would-be chef.

This mortal had a strange talent for turning up in the most obscure places to sell his wares. Joxer suspected it had something to do with not wanting to be found by any town health authorities.

"Ah! You've heard of me?" Falafel's grin widened, showing off his bad teeth.

"Unfortunately," Joxer muttered under his breath, but nodded. He'd had to cure a number of his followers from severe food poisoning thanks to this particular mortal. Joxer only allowed him to live because he was a serious annoyance to Hercules.

"I see you've been traveling hard. Are you hungry? I have these wonderful--"

"Um, no, thanks," Joxer quickly interrupted him. He didn't know what those flat brown things were on top of the food stand, and he was fairly sure he didn't want to know either.

"Then you must be thirsty!" Falafel held up a pitcher.

"No, I'm doing all ri--" Joxer paused when something occurred to him. "Is that water?"

"Yes. You would like some?"

"Yeah." He nodded. He really needed to get the dust out of his throat. "How much?" he asked as he approached the food stand, glad that he'd thought to bring along some of the money his followers had left as offerings.

"Two dinars," Falafel announced as he reached for a nearby-mug.

"What?" Gods may not have used money, but Joxer knew when something was overpriced.

"It's not unreasonable, my friend. Water is scarce here."

"Then where'd you get yours, man?" Joxer asked with a growl, slipping into his normal manner of speech.

"A lake. Two day's walk north," Falafel replied, eyeing him a bit apprehensively.

Joxer realized that his hand was grasping the hilt of the sword strapped to his waist. He quickly released the weapon and smiled, hoping to look as friendly as possible. He really needed to keep better control of his reactions.

"Thanks," he said pleasantly. "I don't think I'll need that water now. I'll just wait until I get to the lake."

"But -- all right! One dinar!"

He shook his head. He didn't need the water and he might need the dinars later, so it wasn't a difficult choice. "I've gotta go. Good luck," he added as he walked back to the road. It wasn't so hard, being nice. He could do it.

Behind him, Falafel offered an even better deal, but Joxer decided he'd be safer waiting til he got to the lake -- it was Falafel, after all.

A half-hour later, Joxer found himself confronted by an annoying problem. Without the use of his powers he needed light to see in the dark, just like a mortal. He'd planned to use the nearly-full moon as a guide while he traveled that night, but he hadn't counted on the clouds that began rolling in near sunset. The air didn't smell like rain and the clouds themselves didn't appear to be carrying any, but they would be just thick enough to obscure most of the light from the moon that night.

There was irony. He would've been glad to see them earlier in the day in the baking sun, but this was terrible timing. He'd have to find some place to stop and wait for the clouds to clear out, or for morning, whichever came first.

Before the daylight disappeared entirely, Joxer came across a patch of ground on the side of the road that looked better than most. That is, it actually had some grass left on it instead of being just plain dirt. He had enough of that stuff covering him already, and he didn't fancy sitting in it for the next few hours.

He made himself as comfortable as possible. Taking off the horrible make-shift armor, he piled it up to use as something resembling a pillow. It wasn't too cozy but at least it kept his head off the ground.

Settling himself as best he could, he crossed his ankles and stared up at...well, nothing really. It was just solid blackness. That didn't bother him. There was nothing out there he needed to fear. Actually he kind of hoped someone did try to rob or kill him during the night. So far this world had been totally dull and he really needed something to liven things up. A good slaughter would work nicely. He occupied himself by thinking about what he'd do if the opportunity presented itself. He'd have to be careful. He couldn't just kill indiscriminately here. There was a danger he'd off someone who was important back in his world. But maybe, if he was cautious, he could still work in some messy deaths somewhere. He'd have to consider that possibility some more.

He jerked awake. All senses suddenly alert.

Awake? What the fuck? When had he gone to sleep?

Of course he'd slept before, but only when he wanted to and even then he'd been in total control! He'd always been aware of everything. So what had happened?

Joxer had a strong suspicion that he was in trouble.

Sitting up, he saw that sunrise had apparently come and gone, but he'd no way of telling the time since clouds still covered the sky. Today they looked a bit more menacing. Maybe it would rain. He hoped it would, then he wouldn't have to deal with all the dust.

Reluctantly, he pulled the armor back on. He knew his counterpart had worked hard to put this outfit together, but he couldn't help hating it. He was extremely conscious of his appearance and it was almost painful to look this bad.

A noise suddenly drew his attention away from his fashion problems and looking back the way he came the day before, Joxer saw a cart coming up the road, heading north. He didn't really want to associate with mortals but if it would get him to the Halls of War faster, he'd do whatever it took. This was an opportunity he wasn't going to pass up. He waved at the driver.

A couple of minutes later the cart pulled up before him. It wasn't big, only pulled by one horse with an old man driving.

"What can I do for you?" the man asked in a friendly tone, although he gave Joxer a strange look, undoubtedly due to the armor.

"Hi." Joxer greeted him with a smile, ignoring the look. "Well, um, it looks like you're going the same way I am. I was hoping I could ride along. I can pay," he added.

The God of Mischief, hitching rides from mortals. Offering to pay for those rides. It was beyond humiliating. He couldn't think about it though. He pushed the thought aside and concentrated on the situation at hand.

"Where're you headed?" the old man asked.

"Thrace." No need to go into details, but it seemed to satisfy the mortal anyway.

The old man nodded. "I'm going that way. There's no room up here, but you can ride in the back."

"Thanks!" Joxer grinned. "How much?"

"Don't worry about it. I figure it'll rain soon and it wouldn't be right to leave you here in it." The mortal shrugged.

"I was hoping it would rain." Joxer decided to try out a bit of small talk. He wasn't experienced with it so here was a chance to practice. "The dust's been so bad lately," he continued as he walked around to the back of the cart. "The rain will make things easier." He didn't know why the man laughed at that.

The cart was partially filled with pottery. There wasn't much room but Joxer managed to squeeze himself in without disturbing anything. It wasn't all that comfortable but he could live with it. Especially if it got him closer to Thrace.

"All settled?" the mortal asked, although it seemed to be a rhetorical question since he started the cart moving before Joxer had could reply.

Well, so much for conversation. The old man didn't appear to be much of a talker. Really, it was fine with Joxer. He needed practice but he wasn't in the mood. He was a bit depressed by this world and everything that'd been happening to him.

"I hear there's a lake around here somewhere," he called out a while later.

"Yep."

That was a big help. "So, are you going past it?"

"Nope."

Oh, this guy was just Mr. Excitement. "Can you let me off somewhere close?"

"Yep."

Joxer dropped it. He'd just have to be satisfied with that. Settling back against the side of the cart, he tried to get more comfortable. Strangely, the rocking of the cart as it moved settled him. It was kind of...lulling.

The cart's abrupt halt awakened him.

Oh, great. Asleep again?

He could tell he'd been out for a while. It was pouring down rain and he was soaked. Well, at least the dust had washed off him while he slept.

"This is as close to the lake as I can get you. I go east from here. Take the left fork in the road. It'll get you where you want to go." The old man's voice, muffled by the rain, pulled Joxer's attention back to what was important.

"This is fine, thanks." He managed a cheerful smile as he sat up.

The mortal nodded, returning the smile briefly.

Trying to see through the driving rain, Joxer hopped out of the cart -- and proceeded to sink into the ground he landed on.

"Oh, thrill me!" Joxer said sarcastically, looking down at the mud oozing around his ankles.

Then the cart pulled away, sending bits of mud flying behind it, splattering him. He had to restrain himself from acting on his first impulse, which was to turn the cart -- driver and all -- into a nice fire that he could use to dry off.

As the cart disappeared into the curtain of rain, Joxer did his best to make his way down the left road that the old man had indicated. It was extremely slow going.

"Just what I always wanted to do, walk on quicksand," he muttered as he struggled to make some progress.

Now that the weather was trying to drown him, Joxer realized that he didn't need the lake. The rain would wash him off just fine and there was certainly plenty to drink, but the cart was gone and frankly he didn't care to try running after it in this muck, besides this road also went in the direction he wanted so he kept going.

As he walked, or tried to, he realized that his surroundings had changed noticeably. He was no longer surrounded by the flat, semi-grassy land he'd been traveling through before. Now there were trees everywhere along the side of the road. If it was still raining that night, they would come in handy, providing some shelter.

By the time the light -- what little there was of it -- began to fade, the rain had at least slowed to a steady drizzle, instead of the torrent he'd been fighting for the last few hours. Joxer was quite happy to stop for the night. He was tired and willing to admit it -- since there was no one else around.

He found a small clearing just off the road where the tree branches kept out most of the rain. From the burned circle he discovered, it looked like others had camped here in the past. He couldn't help thinking that a fire would definitely be welcome right now, but he wasn't going to get it. He couldn't use his powers to start a fire. Gods knew when another used their powers, they could...feel it. He couldn't risk the gods of this world noticing him like that. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to start a fire without his powers, but it appeared hat everything was too wet to burn anyway so he didn't have to worry with it.

He removed the armor again to use as a pillow, piling it against a tree. However, when he sat down, he realized that the trees had allowed enough rain to get through to turn the ground muddy. Not nearly as bad as the road, but it was enough. He was sitting in the mud. Lovely.

Joxer couldn't believe this, this...situation he was in. He hated it! Hated being thoroughly drenched. Hated shivering from the chill slowly working its way through him. Hated that he couldn't get comfortable no matter what he did. But there was one thing he hated above all of that, and he summed it up in words he'd never thought to hear himself say.

"Eww, this is, like, so gross!" he complained, trying to wipe some of the mud off his pants. He sounded like a bad imitation of Aphrodite and that made his mood even worse.

It wasn't that he'd never been dirty before, just never unless he wanted to be, and even then it was usually on battlefields. And actually he didn't think of being covered in mortal blood and gore as being "dirty". It was more like, "immersing oneself in the situation," "becoming one with the battle," or some crap like that. But that he liked, this, he despised! It was so, well, disgusting!

There was nothing to be done about it though. He just had to live with this. Maybe try to think about something else. Something fun. Something about....

Mud.

He was surprised by the memory that surfaced. Gods, it'd been a while since he'd thought about that one. But it was a good memory, one of his favorites from his youth. It definitely involved rain and mud, but there'd been blood mixed in with there too. Lots of blood.... The scent of death in the air. Corpses surrounding them. The shouts of the victors still ringing out. And the feel of the hard body on top of him, pushing him down into the mire, pounding into him....

Joxer gasped as a stab of arousal shot through him. That wasn't surprising, considering the memory, but what really got his attention was the warmth that accompanied it. How could he have forgotten about that? It was called "getting hot" for a reason, and he could make it work for him here. It'd been a few years -- okay, make that a few centuries since he'd done this. He had mortals and gods alike lined up to jump in his bed after all. No need to jerk off when he could have someone do it for him anytime he wanted. But he was alone here. Cold and lonely, and he needed this.

Unlacing his pants, he let his mind drift back to that time, so long ago. His first battle. As his hand closed around his rapidly stiffening cock, Joxer thought about that moment, when he'd first realized what path his life was destined take.

Blood -- mortal and his own -- covering him. The steady rain causing it to run in red rivulets down his leather-clad body as he surveyed the devastation around him in triumph. The realization that this was where he belonged, what he was made to do. And then seeing Ares and Discord, the God of War watching him instead of Discord. Lust burning bright in those dark eyes.

Ares, pushing Discord aside, his focus entirely on Joxer. Hard muscles flexing beneath tanned skin as he strode over to Joxer and pulled him into a brutal kiss. Their clothes disappearing. Flesh pressed against hot flesh.

Joxer moaned, from the memory and from the feeling of his hand sliding along his cock. The coolness of the air around him now a sharp contrast to the growing heat inside him. He let himself sink further into the recollection....

Trembling with anticipation as he was shoved face-down into the gore that covered the battlefield. Tasting a mixture of blood and dirt and then forgetting everything else as Ares' weight settled on top of him.

The feel of the hard, thick cock pushing into him, tearing him apart. And he let it. Let himself feel the pain -- and the pleasure. He wanted it all. Ares pounding into him unmercifully, thrusting so impossibly deep. The pleasure and pain growing, intertwining, until there was no way to tell them apart. Until it overwhelmed him and he was screaming, they both were, and coming so hard--

Joxer cried out, shuddering as his cock pulsed out hot semen. When the last of the tremors passed, he slumped back against the makeshift armor.

"Oh yeah...." he groaned. Satisfied, for now, he lazily licked his hand clean.

He'd been fucked by Ares more times than he could easily recall, and many of those times had been far more intense than that particular one. Yet it was still one of the memories he treasured most. Not just because Ares had thrown Discord aside for him -- although that did help to make it rather special -- it was more related to the fact that in all of the fantasizing Joxer had done before that moment, none of it had compared to the reality of Ares throwing him down and taking him like that. Possessing him. It'd been a damn fine way to lose his virginity.

Relaxed now, and in a much mood than he'd been earlier, Joxer wasn't too upset when he gradually began to feel the cold again. As quick fixes went, he'd come up with a good one, and if he got too uncomfortable then he'd just dig up another fun memory. Maybe this time he'd use something about his counterpart.

He really missed his mortal. Missed seeing him and talking to him, and he definitely missed fucking him, even if it'd only been that one time. But at least there were the memories. They'd have to do for now.

It was going to be a long night. He almost hoped that the sleep thing would happen again, just to make things go faster.

The rain had let up around mid-morning, the clouds disappearing by afternoon. Unfortunately the day heated up quickly after that, soon reaching the level that it had two days ago. At least there was no dust to worry about. Not for another day or two, assuming the sun remained out.

Joxer wasn't going as fast as he wanted but he didn't see any other options. Besides, he was still well inside the margins of error he'd allowed for. He gave it another two, maybe two and a half days before he reached the Halls of War.

That in mind, when he came across the lake late in the afternoon, he didn't even think about it. He almost ran towards the water, driven forward by the overriding urge to take a bath. He paused just long enough to look around for any possible threats, listening for anything suspicious. When he detected nothing threatening, Joxer quickly pulled off the armor and the filthy clothes beneath it, then he waded out into the lake as fast as he could.

It was cold, and he couldn't have cared less. Being a god, he had no worries about drowning or being bitten by something poisonous or anything, his only concern was washing the dried mud off as fast as he could. That goal was met in under a minute.

He couldn't help laughing aloud when he was finally clean. He didn't get how mortals could do this! It would drive him crazy, being dirty like that all the time, having to wait until he stumbled on a clean body of water to get a bath. It was totally ridiculous! He couldn't believe his counterpart lived like this, it wasn't right. He had so much more to offer his twin, comfort, safety, pleasure, even love. Joxer was sincerely hoping that this world's Ares had wanted to get rid of the mortal. Then Joxer could have him...and maybe that happiness he'd been looking for too. It really wasn't that much to ask for.

"Joxer!"

The shout jerked him back to the present. He'd been floating on his back, enjoying the feeling of being clean and relaxed, but the sound of his name caught him by surprise and made him overbalance. He ended up sinking half way to the bottom of the lake before finding his bearings and swimming back up. When he surfaced he started back towards shore -- but stopped the instant he saw who was waiting there.

"Xena? Gabrielle?" he squeaked.

Problem.

This he hadn't counted on. He was certain he could deal with it, but he just needed a moment to figure things out. At least in his surprise he'd managed to act and sound like his counterpart.

"Um, hi!" he said brightly. The nervousness that crept into his voice was entirely real.

Everything was at stake here. If Xena saw through his ruse then it was over. He couldn't kill her. She was Ares' to deal with, not Joxer's, and he respected that. She couldn't hurt him, but she could spread the word about him, and that would make sure his quest failed. No, he had to do his best here. He had to pull this off.

"Could you, uh, toss me my pants and shirt?" he called out, swimming just a bit closer.

"You want to wear wet clothes?" Gabrielle asked skeptically.

"They're dirty," he explained. "Besides, I'm not coming out of here without something on!"

It had nothing to do with modesty. Personally, he couldn't care less who saw him naked. He had a good body and he was proud of it. But in this case, it was caution that prevented him from leaving the water.

There were a few obvious differences between his body and his counterpart's. The God of Mischief had more muscle, a lot more scars, and a few other things his twin didn't possess. The mortal had mentioned a couple times when Xena and Gabrielle had seen him either completely or partially naked, so there was a good chance that the women would notice those differences. While he might be able to explain away most of it, he doubted they'd believe any excuse he gave them for the nipple rings. That was something their Joxer just wouldn't do.

So he took the easiest solution, faking some modesty. He'd seen the real thing enough times, he could imitate it.

Apparently it worked. A few seconds later, Gabrielle threw him the items he'd requested. He'd intended to wash his clothes anyway -- just not wear them wet. But that didn't bother him too much, considering the day's heat.

Once he had the shirt and pants as clean as they were going to get without soap, he pulled them on and waded out of the lake. He kept a bright smile on his face, but if he hadn't been a god, he might've been praying that this ruse would work.

"What's up, guys?" He made his tone as cheery as possible, although inside he just wanted to zap them into little piles of ashes. His counterpart really liked these two, despite the way they often treated him. So as much as Joxer wanted to make them pay for what they did to his twin, he couldn't. He had to play the part.

"What're you doing here?" Xena demanded. "I told you to stay out of Thrace for a while!"

Joxer didn't have a clue what she was talking about. He decided he really should've talked with his counterpart a bit more. "Um, well...you see--" He was saved from having to invent an excuse when she interrupting him.

"It's too dangerous here right now!" Xena insisted. "With these raiding parties running around killing everything that moves, you could get hurt!"

That was all he needed to go on. "Oh, come on, Xena! I'm Joxer the Mighty! There isn't a raiding party around I can't defeat!" he proclaimed in his counterpart's overblown fashion.

"Joxer, you...forget it." She shook her head in disgust, turning away. "You'll have to travel with us."

Not good.

"Why? I can take care of myself." It didn't come out sounding as whiny as it probably should've, but at the moment, he was far more concerned with Xena's suggestion. Traveling with these two was the last thing he needed. Besides being on a schedule, the more time he had to spend around people that knew this world's Joxer, the better the chances were that he'd be recognized as a fraud.

Instead of replying, Xena looked at Gabrielle meaningfully. It was Gabrielle who spoke next.

"Um, Joxer, you know, Xena and I are going after the raiding parties. We could use your help." She smiled in a friendly manner.

Joxer had to stop himself from smacking that look off her face. She was only saying this out of a sense of obligation to protect those she saw as weaker than herself. At least Xena didn't make the effort to hide her feelings. This, well, this was insulting. Unfortunately, their Joxer would never turn down the opportunity, so he had to agree.

"You do? I mean, of course you do!" He put the appropriate amount of deluded self-confidence into the remark. "I'm always glad to help out my friends." He was amazed he didn't choke on the words.

"That's...great." Gabrielle's lack of enthusiasm crept into her tone, but it was subtle. His counterpart might not have picked up on it, so he didn't give any indication that he had.

"No problem! Where're we going?"

While the bard related their destination -- some little town he'd never heard of, which meant it didn't exist in his world -- he pulled the makeshift armor back on over his wet clothes. It wasn't at all comfortable, but being somewhat cleaner made up for it.

"...and we know one of the bigger raiding parties went up that direction, which works out since we wanted to go that way to begin with," Gabrielle finished.

"Sounds good," he said brightly. "How long 'til we get there?"

"We won't reach it today," Xena said, filling a skin with water at the lake's edge. "But if we don't have to make any more stops," She looked pointedly at Joxer as she spoke, "then we should reach the village by midmorning tomorrow."

Joxer just smiled at her, giving no sign that he'd understood her point. He really hoped he had a chance sometime to pay both women back for their treatment of his counterpart, but it wouldn't happen right now, so he put it out of his mind.

"Let's go," Xena ordered as she stood, corking the water skin.

Fortunately, his twin had told him numerous stories about traveling with these women, so Joxer had a general idea of how to behave. He'd also given some previous thought to what he'd do if he encountered any of the mortal's so-called friends. He could only hope that he was prepared for this.

When they left the lake, Joxer was pleased to note that they were headed the way he wanted. Maybe they were moving a bit slow for his liking, but at least they were going in the right direction. As they walked, he trailed along behind the women and the horse, considering his options. The Joxer of this world wasn't the quiet type. He liked to talk, regardless of whether anyone was listening, so Joxer was going to have to come up with something to babble about, something in character. There was a definite problem with that.

He wasn't used to lying. Leaving out important information, sure, but not outright lies. He'd never needed those. In his world, he had the power to get whatever he wanted without resorting to something as crude as that, so he had little practice with it. This deception was turning out to be way more difficult than he'd anticipated.

Gabrielle glanced back at him with a frown and he realized he'd been silent too long. He had to do something characteristic of his counterpart quickly or they'd both start to get suspicious. He thought fast, trying to come up with something to say or do -- and then he had it.

He didn't fight the grin that crept onto his face. Well, at least in this world he could do it and no one would think it was anything out of the ordinary for him.

Finishing off the first verse, he noticed, with a great deal of satisfaction, that when Gabrielle looked back at him again, she was wincing in pain. She kept trying to hold her hands over her ears and still hang onto her staff at the same time, with little success. Xena didn't say or do anything, but the stiff way she walked spoke volumes.

This was great! He'd found a way to torture them! His mood improved drastically and he quickly launched into the second verse.

He loved that last line. He continued to sing, thoroughly enjoying the pained reactions of the women in front of him. He decided he could gladly keep this up the rest of the day. Seeing Gabrielle cringing like that...well, it just gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling.

He was midway through the third recital of the song, singing it at the top of his voice, when Xena suddenly stopped, bringing them all to a halt. Releasing Argo, she turned, her hand on her chakram.

"Joxer," her voice, little more than a whisper, carried a definite undertone of fury. "I suggest you shut up."

"Oh." He feigned confusion. "You don't like it? I thought you would. I mean, I've been working on it a lot lately." He let a touch of sadness enter his tone. "But, I guess if you feel that way about it...." He let the words trail off, looking down at the ground between them.

He hadn't thought he'd get the opportunity to try out this hurt and innocent routine. He was curious how it would go over.

"It's just fine, Joxer," Gabrielle said consolingly, as she walked over to him. "Three times is too much for any song, that's all." She placed a gentle hand on his arm.

He looked up at her and found her smiling with genuine warmth. Interesting. Apparently this "lost puppy" look worked on her. She may have hated the song, but she was truly concerned about not hurting his feelings. He revised his opinion of her just a bit. He still didn't like her, but maybe she wasn't a total bitch after all.

"Okay." He made his smile hesitant and unsure.

That seemed to satisfy Xena. Taking hold of Argo's reins, she began walking again.

"Come on." Gabrielle pulled him along with her, catching up with Xena. "Why don't I tell one of my stories?"

Joxer nodded. He didn't really want to hear them, but it would save him from having to make conversation.

It sounded as though she had a limitless supply of stories. She talked all the way into the evening, reciting tale after tale of Xena's bravery in battle. It was really annoying. But Joxer kept an interested smile plastered on his face, commenting encouragingly in all the places that seemed appropriate. Evidently he was doing the right thing. Gabrielle was pleased by the response and Xena looked more relaxed -- at least he thought she did. Her expression was unreadable so he was going by body language.

Gabrielle finally shut up when they made camp for the night. Xena gave her the task of hunting down dinner while she tended to Argo, leaving Joxer alone by the campfire.

He knew his counterpart didn't remove his armor when he was camped with the women -- another one of those modesty things Joxer would just have to imitate. However, he did toss aside the helmet and boots.

As he settled near the fire, he reflected on a few things he'd learned over the past few days. The good news -- extremely good, in his opinion -- was that he didn't seem to be exhibiting too many mortal weaknesses. Sure, he apparently needed to sleep, and maybe he needed the occasional drink, but he wasn't hungry and so far he hadn't gotten sick or had to deal with any other truly disgusting mortal functions, that was something to be grateful for at least. He did react to the elements, but that wasn't so bad, just uncomfortable. He was doing all right. He was far from happy, but he was surviving.

Joxer lay back, crossing his arms behind his head to substitute for a pillow. The sky was clear tonight. That figured. If he wasn't stuck with these two he'd be able to travel. Well, he couldn't do anything about that so no point in dwelling on it.

He wondered what tomorrow would be like. He really hoped they ran into trouble. Maybe in the confusion of a fight, he'd be able to kill one or two mortals. That would help make this trip a lot more fun.

As he thought, he listened to the crackling of the fire in the background. He was completely unaware of being lulled into a doze. He didn't realize what was happening until the feeling of being shaken woke him.

"Huh?" he muttered. This groggy sensation wasn't a good thing.

"Dinner's almost ready," Gabrielle said from where she knelt beside him on one knee.

Oh. Food. He didn't need that. He just wanted to get some sleep.

"S'okay." He waved her away.

She looked concerned. "Are you all right?"

"Tired," he explained with a yawn that wasn't faked.

"Okay." She shrugged as she stood.

He didn't answer. He closed his eyes again and let himself drift off. This sleep thing was addictive.

When Joxer woke, the sun had barely risen. It was early but he was completely awake and alert. He wondered if something was wrong.

Sitting up, he immediately noticed that Xena was gone. Her bedroll was empty, but Gabrielle was still sound asleep on the one next to it. Looking around, he didn't see anything that would've pulled him awake. Maybe he was just an early riser.

He was curious about Xena's whereabouts, but figured she was off taking care of whatever it was mortals did when they got up. Looking for breakfast, answering a call of nature, whatever. He wouldn't concern himself with it unless she didn't come back soon. For now, he turned his attention to Gabrielle.

He recalled everything his counterpart had told him about her, all the things that hadn't happened to the Gabrielle back in his world. He imagined that this one was a lot tougher than the Gabrielle he knew. She'd certainly come across as more self-confident. They looked the same, and in many ways they sounded the same, but there were differences. In his world, Gabrielle was still an Amazon princess and a good fighter, but she didn't have the self-righteous streak this one did.

He couldn't help letting his mind wander deeper into the subject, wondering about a few other possible contrasts between the two bards. His counterpart had a crush on this Gabrielle, but she apparently only thought of Joxer as a friend.

As Ares' subordinate, he had limited dealings with Xena and Hercules. They were his uncle's territory. But sidekicks were fair game. Iolaus...well, that was complicated, but with Gabrielle things were fairly simple. She didn't like him, but she couldn't resist him either.

Joxer found himself smirking as he remembered some of the "games" he'd played using Gabrielle. Once he found someone's weaknesses he could manipulate them any time he felt like it, and she was no exception. Ares realized this and sometimes he asked Joxer to put that knowledge to work, to keep Xena or Hercules busy. It was a task Joxer loved.

His Gabrielle was many things: warrior, bard, sometimes philosopher, and when it had served his purpose, Joxer had found that she was a decent fuck too. He idly wondered if this one measured up.

"We're leaving as soon as Gabrielle is ready."

Distracted from his musings, Joxer looked towards the voice and found Xena standing not far away at the edge of the camp. He hadn't even noticed her approach. He'd have to watch that. Pretending to be mortal was no excuse for becoming as sloppy as one.

"Okay." He smiled at her.

There was no response as she walked over to Gabrielle and knelt beside her. "Time to get up." Xena shook her awake.

Joxer watched with mild interest. The Gabrielle in his world didn't do mornings very well. Was this one the same?

She groaned.

"Let's go," Xena ordered, giving her a sharp slap on the thigh.

Gabrielle made a noise of protest, but Xena had already moved away. After pushing herself up, Gabrielle just sat there, staring at the ground before her.

"Here." Xena kicked Gabrielle's boots over to her. "Get those on."

Picking up one of the boots, Gabrielle stared at it for a few moments before speaking. "Boots," she mumbled. "Boots good for feet."

Nope. This one definitely wasn't a morning person either.

Joxer managed not to laugh at the sight, although he couldn't help smiling as he began pulling his own boots on.

"'Kay, I'm ready." Gabrielle's voice drew his attention back to her barely a minute later. Surprisingly, she was. She still didn't look all that awake, but she was fully dressed and on her feet. That was better than him. He'd set that stupid helmet aside last night and now he couldn't find it.

"Go ahead and get your things packed," Xena said to her. "There's one more thing I need to take care of."

There it was. Right behind him. Joxer grabbed the thing, dusting it off as he started to get up -- and found himself staring at the business end of a very sharp sword. His gaze traveled up the blade to meet Xena's flinty gaze. Her voice was cold when she spoke.

"Who are you, and where's Joxer?"

Oh shit.
 
 

Back in the alt. world....

eing a god had its advantages: immortality, incredible power, an understanding of the basic forces of nature that mortals couldn't comprehend -- but despite the image they tried to convey, the gods weren't omniscient. Even they couldn't understand some things.

Ares was reminded of that now as he stood on the training field trying to work out the physics of how a mortal could shoot an arrow -- and have it hit something behind them. It didn't seem possible. The day was sunny and calm, hardly any wind to speak of and certainly nothing that would effect an arrow like that. So how was it happening? A god could do it of course, but since he was the only god here --

The hiss of an approaching arrow distracted him and he quickly turned insubstantial. A fraction of a second later the arrow passed through him, hitting a tree some ways away.

"Um...sorry!"

Nodding at Joxer in response, Ares made himself solid again as a suspicion began to form in his mind. "Keep practicing," he called to Joxer. "You'll get it right eventually."

Joxer smiled brightly at him, pulling another arrow from the quiver. Ares had already focused his attention elsewhere though. Reaching out carefully with his senses, he looked for the telltale signs of another god in the area. If his suspicions were correct, then he should be able to -- there! Just the barest flicker of power, but not his own.

"Okay," he said, "I know you're here so quit screwing around before I--" A bright flash of gold light interrupted him, revealing the presence of his least-favorite nephew.

Cupid stood there just out of reach, watching him with an amused smirk. "Hey Unc. How goes the archery thing?"

"Are you trying to get your ass kicked here?" Ares growled. "And where've you been anyway? You're supposed to be helping me with him." He motioned to where Joxer once again attempted to aim at the target.

"Chill, Unc," Cupid said in an unconcerned tone. "I had some love business to take care of in Sparta. Besides, he's just one mortal. Or can't you deal with that?"

Cupid's condescending tone grated on Ares' nerves. "Then why don't you try it. Feather-brained twit," he added under his breath.

Cupid smirked at him, then called out to Joxer, "Hey, dude! You're like, holding that all wrong!"

Joxer jumped at the sound of the new voice and looked back at where the gods stood. When he saw Cupid, recognition first showed in his face, then shock as he took in Cupid's appearance. "Uh...Cupid?" he asked hesitantly.

"Duh!" the God of Love snapped at him. "Now, notch that arrow a little lower, and hold the bow steady."

Joxer nodded, and with a last, confused glance at Cupid, turned and followed the instructions. It took a few moments for him to get it all right, but this time when he released the arrow, it actually struck the target. Only the edge of it, true, but that was his best aim yet.

"And that was hard, how?" Cupid grinned at Ares in obvious self-satisfaction. "You know, Unc, maybe you should stick with teaching him other stuff. Like, say, dancing?"

Ares bit back a snarl. Normally he would've just blasted anyone that annoyed him as much as this nephew did, god or not, but there were other, more satisfying ways of dealing with Cupid. One thing he'd learned, reluctantly, from the God of Mischief was that words weren't always pointless. Sometimes they could actually do more damage than outright violence.

"Flap off, wing-boy," he growled, then took on a look of false surprise. "Oh, that's right. You can't, can you? I guess I forgot." He added some fake sympathy into his tone. "What a pity. They were such nice wings too."

It really did improve his mood, watching Cupid's face turn that particular shade of red. Cupid looked like he couldn't make up his mind whether to be hurt or furious. He seemed to alternate rapidly between the two as he stood there trying -- probably subconsciously -- to maneuver his damaged wings as far back out of sight as possible.

Ares just smirked at him. "You can take the mortal for a while, I have something to do." Without waiting for a reply, he transported himself from the training field to the God of Mischief's main temple.

Nebula reclined back in Joxer's throne, looking around the empty temple with obvious growing impatience. Fingers drumming on one armrest, she sighed in frustration tinged with anger.

"I don't believe this," she muttered aloud. "Bribe someone so I can dock my ship, only get half the asking price for my cargo, and now he doesn't show?"

Standing invisibly near a side wall, Ares watched Nebula with appreciation. No normal mortal had the balls to sit in the God of Mischief's throne, Joxer killed for lesser offenses, but Nebula could hardly be considered normal. Besides her obvious beauty, her intelligence combined with an incredible amount of courage made her exceptional. Ares couldn't help but admire her -- and want her. However, that didn't mean anything. He would have to be dead not to find her attractive, but he didn't have to act on it either. Iphicles made him happy and he didn't want anything else.

He continued to watch as Nebula abandoned the throne and walked over to the altar. Picking up a vase sitting there, she examined it with mild curiosity. "Eastern," she said to herself a few moments later. "Expensive. Wonder if he's really attached to it." With that she let the vase drop, not bothering to watch as it shattered on the marble floor.

Ares decided then that he'd watched long enough. He didn't doubt that if she were angry enough, Nebula might very well take apart the temple, just as Joxer had hinted at. He made himself visible in a flash of light, attracting her immediate notice.

"Joxer! You know you're really--" Nebula cut herself off, her eyebrows going up in slight surprise. "Ares." As she spoke, her gaze blatantly roamed over his body.

That didn't do anything for Ares' self control. He needed to get out of there before he started having...other ideas, so he got right to the point. "Joxer's busy. I gave him a job to do and it could take a while."

"So you came to meet me instead. How thoughtful." Slight sarcasm touched her smile, but she didn't stop giving him that look.

"Something like that. He should be back in a few days."

"Well, I don't have time to sit around waiting for him so I won't be here. His loss. But...you did send him away, so maybe you could make it up to me, hmm?" She rested her elbows back on the altar. The resulting pose did a wonderful job of displaying her breasts, partially bared by the leather top she wore.

Ares couldn't stop himself from giving her a quick once-over -- old habits died hard. She was all hard muscles and soft curves, and the way she looked at him, telling him exactly what she wanted, no shyness there. She almost surpassed 'Dite for sheer sensuality. That aura of danger she carried about her would warn off most men, but it drew Ares right in.

He quickly looked away, realizing where his thoughts were heading. His cock had already started trying to convince him to take up her offer and he had to get this over with before the temptation became any more serious. "I have other things to do," he announced, walking towards the temple entrance, his gait casual, dismissive. "One of Joxer's priests could probably do just fine for you."

"What?" Nebula stood up straight, her tone sounding calm on the surface, but with more than a hint of anger lying beneath.

Ares didn't reply and didn't look back. He really did have a few other things to attend to. Nothing urgent, but she didn't need to know that.

He heard the sound of the arrow barely a second before it hit. Taken by surprise, he didn't have the time to disappear and it actually struck him. The pain, brief but intense, drove him to his knees and shock kept him there.

What the fuck...! Weapons forged by mortals couldn't hurt him, so somehow the bitch must've gotten hold of something made by Hephaestus. It didn't matter. One of Joxer's favorites or not, she'd still pay for daring to attack him. Getting to his feet, he called up a fireball, ready to turn the arrogant mortal into a pile of ash.

"What's going on?" Nebula sounded slightly confused, and more than a little wary.

"You're about to die, that's what," Ares replied, turning to take aim -- and the fireball dissipated as all his attention focused on the gorgeous sight before him.

How could he have refused this? She was so perfect for him. Instead of being some brainless beauty, she had the mind and body of a warrior, and a quick wit to compliment it. She could be his greatest warlord, better than Xena even, but he didn't want that for her. She deserved much more. He'd make her a goddess. Discord had gotten too annoying lately and here stood her replacement.

"Nebula." Ares smiled at her, not caring a bit if his feelings were showing in the expression.

Instead of responding though, Nebula looked up at the dais. "What is this and why are you involving me?" she asked cautiously.

"Don't worry about it, just enjoy," replied a familiar voice.

Reluctantly dragging his attention away from his new love, Ares looked for the owner of that voice -- and found Cupid standing by the throne, holding his bow in one hand and wearing a self-satisfied smirk. On the throne itself, the mortal Joxer sat there doing a good impression of the God of Mischief. He could probably pull it off for a while, just as long as no one looked too closely and noticed the way he trembled.

Ares saw it all and had no trouble figuring out what just happened, and why, but he couldn't really bring himself to care. Oh, he'd get Cupid for this later, he didn't doubt that, but right now the only thing on his mind was pleasing the woman he loved.

"Forget about them," Ares suggested, giving Nebula one of his more seductive smiles. "Let's go someplace more private so I can show you just how much I love you."

"He'll kill me when you take that spell off him," she said almost calmly to Cupid, ignoring Ares.

"No, he won't," Cupid promised. "If he tries I'll just hit him with another arrow. Real simple."

"Joxer?" Nebula looked at the man on the throne, taking him for her god.

"His idea," Joxer motioned to Cupid with a shrug. "Works for me."

In the back of his mind, Ares thought Joxer did a decent job of sounding like the God of Mischief, but he didn't dwell on it. Walking over to Nebula, he took hold of her shoulders, intending to draw her back into an embrace. Instead he ended up with an elbow slamming into his chest as she pulled away from him.

"I was only trying to--"

"Shut up," she ordered.

Instantly he obeyed, not wanting to offend her anymore. That got him a strange look, then, after a few moments, she smiled slightly. "If I told you to get down on your knees, would you do it?" she asked thoughtfully.

In response, Ares dropped to his knees. He heard Cupid laughing, and it sounded like the mortal impersonating Joxer was trying to muffle a few chuckles too, but it didn't bother him. He just waited there for whatever Nebula decided to do next.

"Are you gonna do everything I say?" she asked, grinning slightly now.

"If it makes you happy," Ares promised with an utterly smitten sigh

"Really." Her grin widened as she crossed her arms over her chest. "What about whatshisname? That king you've been hanging around with lately?" She looked over at Joxer for help.

"Iphicles," Joxer supplied, still trying to suppress his laughter.

"Yeah, that's the one you told me about." Nebula agreed, then turned her attention back to the god at her feet. "So how about it? You still want Iphicles?"

"Iphi-who?" Ares replied with perfect honesty. He couldn't think past the dark beauty standing above him.

"Ooh, I think I like this." Still grinning, she began to slowly walk around him, looking him over. "We'll have to make a few changes -- a good collar and a leash wouldn't hurt, but I think this'll work out fine."

Ares just smiled happily.

"Nebula."

Stopping in her perusal of her new toy, she looked back up at Joxer, her expression questioning.

"Play all you want," Joxer instructed, "but do it on your way to Corinth."

"Why?" she asked.

Cupid frowned at Joxer, but didn't say anything.

"The others are doing something for me there. I want you helping them. I got a feeling Auto and Sal might make things...more complicated than they gotta be."

"You think they'll screw things up," Nebula clarified. "No problem." She reached down to run her fingers through Ares' thick, black curls. Ares almost moaned from her touch alone. "It's a long trip," she continued, "we'll have plenty of time to 'play.'"

"Thought you might like that." Joxer grinned.

"But I can't deal with him and the others at the same time." Her fingers trailed down the side of Ares' face as she looked back up at the two on the dais. "Once I get to Corinth I'll need to concentrate on that and not worry about a god following me around like a lost puppy."

Ignoring the comparison, Ares turned his head, pressing his lips to her palm before taking two of her fingers in his mouth, sucking lightly. She allowed it for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Nice," she murmured, looking him over appraisingly. "Wonder what else you can do with that mouth."

He wanted to show her right there. Reaching out, he slid a hand up the inside of her leg, wanting to get those pants off her so he could give her a good demonstration of just how talented he was. But she pushed him away with a booted foot and he landed back on his ass. Not that he cared. He just smiled and sat up again on his knees, looking at her hungrily.

"Guess he could be a problem like that," Joxer said thoughtfully.

Ares heard whispering coming from the vicinity of the throne, but he couldn't take his eyes off the gorgeous woman in front of him long enough to see what his nephew and Joxer were up to, and he couldn't bring himself to really care either. His mind was occupied with thoughts of making his and Nebula's clothing disappear so he could take her right here on the temple floor -- or she could take him. The thought of being totally dominated by her sent a shiver of pleasure through him, hardening his cock and making him moan aloud.

"I'll put him back to normal before you get to Corinth," said Cupid. "Just call whenever you get tired of Unc being your personal fuck toy."

Even under the influence of this love thing, Ares couldn't let that insult pass by. He started to get to his feet, glaring at his nephew -- but Nebula pushed him back down.

"I didn't say you could get up." Her calm yet commanding tone made Ares eager to do anything she asked of him. Her fingers were in his hair again, lightly stroking -- then gripping and yanking his head back. "I'll have to teach you some discipline," she commented casually.

He knew the pain of her grip was only a promise of what would come later and he almost begged for more. But then her attention turned away from him to two up on the dais, although her grip on his hair never lessened.

"You boys want to watch?" She smiled as she spoke, her whole manner inviting.

More laughter came from the direction of the throne. "No, but go ahead and enjoy yourself," Joxer said. "Feel free to use the back room."

"Ooh, I'm honored." Her lovely voice held more than a touch of sarcasm, but it sounded friendly.

Instead of a reply, a flash of light indicated that the others had disappeared.

"You must've done something really bad to Cupid," Nebula commented, releasing Ares and stepping back to look at him. "Well, my gain. Let's get started, hmm? I want to see if you're really any good. Get into that bedroom back there." She motioned towards the room behind the throne. "No." Her voice stopped him when he started to stand. "Crawl there," she instructed.

Ares gladly obeyed, eager to please his new Mistress.

Cupid watched without comment as Joxer slowly walked around, looking at everything with the curiosity of a child. He'd brought them here to his main temple for lack of any place better to leave the man. But now as he silently observed his cousin's counterpart, Cupid couldn't believe the resemblance. This Joxer was every bit the God of Mischief's double. He could even do a decent impersonation of Joxer. But it was all just on the surface.

Despite the acting ability, which had rather impressed Cupid, this mortal had a completely different personality. He was nothing like Joxer, although he did have a lot in common with Deimos and Phobos, the gods of fear and terror respectively, and Joxer's incompetent brothers, his near-twins. Both were tanned and blond in contrast to his pale, dark looks, but they were a lot like this mortal in the sense that they were on the clumsy and clueless side. Cupid couldn't help but wonder how they'd deal with this mortal version of their brother. He certainly didn't know how to deal with it himself.

He didn't mind admitting that he was utterly confused about his feelings here. He had a helpless mortal who looked exactly like his cousin -- was his cousin in a roundabout way. The mortal had spent time with the God of Mischief, and Joxer obviously cared for his double, but it just didn't feel right to Cupid.

From the moment his mom told him about this mortal he'd made plans. Finally his cousin had slipped up, showed a true vulnerability, and Cupid intended to use this opportunity to get some long overdue revenge. He'd felt no guilt about any of it. It was Joxer's fault for trusting him with this mortal. Really a stupid move and one Cupid would take full advantage of.

At least that's what he'd wanted to do. It was all so easy to think about, to plan, when this was nothing more than another mortal in Cupid's mind, something to be used, a weakness to be exploited. But that had changed. Now he knew the man, far more than he'd ever wanted to. This mortal showed he had intelligence when he dealt with Nebula, plus a good sense of humor. He was a genuinely nice person.

Cupid couldn't honestly say that he felt nothing for the mortal. Now he sort of liked this Joxer, and that jeopardized everything he'd planned. He needed emotional distance to do what he wanted, and he didn't have that here. He didn't know if he could do this now, or if he even wanted to anymore.

Joxer had finished looking around the temple, and now he just stood there awkwardly, his eyes focusing on anything but the god leaning against the wall nearby. Cupid thought he knew what Joxer had a problem with.

"My counterpart in your world looks totally perfect, doesn't he?" Cupid asked calmly, betraying nothing of his turbulent emotions.

"I, um...well, he's really handsome, but so are you," Joxer added quickly, glancing over at him. "But, if you mean about your wings...?" he trailed off questioningly.

"Yeah. My wings." Cupid couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Joxer looked even more nervous, but he nodded anyway. "There's nothing wrong with his wings."

"There didn't used to be with mine either."

"What happened?" Joxer winced, like he hadn't really meant to say that and it just slipped out.

Cupid smirked slightly. "I made a mistake." Pushing away from the wall, he walked over to Joxer and stopped in front of him. "Look at me," he ordered quietly.

Joxer obeyed and Cupid studied his face, noting the trace of fear in those dark eyes. "The God of Love is way different in your world, isn't he?"

"He's...nicer," came the hesitant reply.

Cupid snorted. "He never had to deal with you -- your counterpart." Reaching out, he trailed his fingers down the side of the man's face, liking the smooth feel of the skin.

Joxer gasped in shock and pulled away, taking a couple steps back. Then he seemed to realize how pointless running would be and a resigned expression settled on his face. "Over there good enough?" he asked a little too calmly, looking over at a pile of stuffed silk pillows in a corner of the room. "Or do you want me somewhere else?"

That surprised Cupid, the acceptance of the situation more than the question itself. Joxer had been used before, not by the God of Mischief, Cupid knew his cousin wouldn't do that, but in his own world this mortal hadn't had it easy.

"I wasn't gonna rape you," Cupid clarified, reaching out again to brush dark hair out of Joxer's face. Not that it wasn't tempting. The God of Mischief never once let him top, so fucking his mortal would be even better revenge than what Cupid had actually considered. "I was planning on doing some...rearranging," he explained. "A few broken bones, lose some of those teeth, maybe put out an eye; that kinda thing."

The mortal swallowed hard, fear still there despite the acceptance. "It's because I look like him, isn't it?"

"No. It 'cause you belong to him, 'cause he cares about you." Cupid's voice remained quiet as he touched the man's face, brushing his fingers over the soft lips before letting his hand drop.

He couldn't do this. Maybe he wasn't everything the God of Love should be but he wouldn't let himself sink this far. He wouldn't let Joxer do that to him. The mortal standing there trembling didn't deserve to suffer in his counterpart's place.

"Look, just go find somewhere to hang around for a while. I got stuff to do here." Cupid turned away with a small sigh. He'd come so close, not to vengeance, but to losing himself in it. One more thing his cousin had to answer for.

"Why?"

The mortal's question caught him before he reached the temple entrance. "'Cause it's my job," he answered wearily. "I'm the God of Love and no matter how I feel I gotta go listen to a buncha mortals bitch and moan about their problems, 'kay? Now find something to do -- some of my priests and priestesses aren't busy if you're in the mood for that."

"No, I mean why are you letting me go?"

That made Cupid turn and look at him. Most mortals would just be grateful and leave as fast as they could, but not this one.

"I mean, you really want to hurt him, so I don't get it." Joxer looked at him curiously, the fear still there but diminished some.

"I'm not him," Cupid replied coolly. "I can't make myself use innocent people just to get back at someone. That's his specialty and I don't ever wanna be like that -- like him."

Joxer nodded, looking away nervously. "Thanks."

Another snort. "Don't bother. It's just a temporary reprieve thing. A lota the other gods don't have my problem with revenge."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Joxer frowned.

Cupid didn't bother keeping the smile from his lips as he realized what he had here. His cousin made another mistake. "He didn't tell you about it?"

"About what?"

"Guess not." Cupid walked back towards Joxer, savoring the moment. "You're a mortal. With me so far?"

"Um, yeah." Joxer's frown deepened.

"Good. See, when one of us gets our own mortal to play with, we have to share. It's one of Zeus' little rules. Mortals are like, community property, you know? That way no one can get jealous about their lover, or whatever, spending too much time with a new mortal toy. Now, no one's supposed to kill another god's mortal, but accidents kinda have a way of happening around here, gettin' the picture?"

The color had drained from the man's face and disbelief shown in his expression. "Joxer wouldn't let that happen to me," he protested, but he sounded uncertain.

"Wanna bet? Yeah, Joxer's real smart, but even he can't get around that little rule. Too many of the rest of us would call him on it, and eventually one of the others that really wants to get back at him for something will use you to do it."

The mortal seemed to be trying to think up a way out of this. "What if I became a god? He offered me that."

"If he could actually pull it off -- and that's a majorly big 'if' -- then yeah, you'd be okay. But you don't wanna be a god, do you?" Cupid made it more of a statement than a question. He could already see the answer in Joxer's eyes.

"No, I don't," Joxer confirmed. "I mean, I saw what happened when Callisto she got turned into a god and I just don't wanna have that kind of t..temp--"

"Temptation," Cupid finished for him, "and good choice." He didn't understand the "Callisto" reference but agreed with the sentiment. "Most mortals don't get that they can't deal with that kinda power."

"I'd settle for just being immortal. That's not too much for me, I don't think."

"Oh man, some of Joxer's enemies would love it if you became immortal," Cupid informed him, chuckling bitterly when the man gave him a confused look. "Think about it, dude. You couldn't die. That means someone could torture you nonstop and you'd still be alive no matter what they did. You'd feel it all. And don't think Joxer is gonna protect you from it. He won't be around all the time you know."

"Oh gods," Joxer whispered, looking a bit ill. "Why didn't he tell me?"

Cupid shrugged. "He's the God of Mischief. He hasn't told the complete truth in centuries. Guess he couldn't break the habit, even for you. Just a little something to think about there," he added, noting with satisfaction the way it made Joxer wince.

His cousin just lost Joxer's trust. Maybe it wasn't the complete revenge Cupid wanted, but it would do. He turned to go.

"Wait."

Once again he stopped, looking back at Joxer. He seemed almost on the verge of tears but he still held it together, barely. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, voice shaking a bit.

"For what?"

"Whatever he did to you, I'm sorry."

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